When Christian Friendships Don’t Click: What Now?

Friendship is everything, it shapes us, lifts us, and sometimes, yeah, it confuses us. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 13:20, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm,” and in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Basically, who we surround ourselves with matters a lot.

But here’s the struggle: How do you choose friends without sounding judgmental? Like, when you think, “No, you can’t be my friend because you drink, or because you dress immodestly,” is that you being picky or just plain judgmental? I ask myself this all the time because, let’s be real, I’m not perfect, so who am I to condemn anyone’s choices?

That’s where a lot of Christians miss it. We’re quick to condemn, but slow to guide. Jesus never rushed to throw stones. He showed love to everyone, even sinners. He didn’t approve of sin, but He called people out to change, not to just feel good about themselves.

Remember John 8:7, when people wanted to stone the woman caught in adultery? Jesus dropped the ultimate truth bomb:

“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Translation? Check yourself before you throw shade. Love people hard, hold them accountable gently.

Galatians 6:1 backs it up:

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.”
Not harsh judgment, but kindness aiming to help, not destroy.

So what does this mean for friendships? If you’re a Christian, surrounded by sinners (spoiler: we all are), don’t rush to judge or condemn. Walk as children of light. Be bold. But also be wise. You don’t have to be buddy-buddy with everyone, and that’s okay.

I’ve wrestled with this. Friendship is hard. Sometimes I question if I’m being too picky or just avoiding real connection. Exposing myself to Scripture and hearing from others brings me clarity and wisdom. And let me tell you, finding godly friendship, real community, and accountability is so important.

I haven’t found that ideal friendship yet either. I’m still searching, still waiting on God’s timing. But one day, I hope to build a Christian community, a place where we can grow, support each other, and keep each other accountable in love.

I watched a YouTube video that really helped me see things clearer about godly friendships. Here are some gems I picked up in case you can’t watch it right now:

What I Learned About Godly Friendships – From the Video

• Set Standards:
  1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, “Bad company corrupts good character.” Be picky, yes, but with love and wisdom.
• Serve and Meet Needs:
  Acts 2:44-46 shows us friends serving one another, not just focusing on what they can get.
• Be God-Centered and Other-Focused:
  Serve with humility and genuine love, both in ministry and everyday life.
• Work Hard for Unity:
  Ephesians 4:1-3 reminds us to strive for unity, even if it means pushing ourselves to go to Bible study, reach out, or make peace.

• Learn to Give Freely:
  Acts 20:35 says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Give time, energy, and love without expecting anything back.

• Expose Sin with Love:
  Ephesians 5:8 calls us to walk as children of light. That means calling out sin, not judging but correcting gently and humbly. Don’t just be friends with everyone. Be holy, be set apart.

• Grow in Patience and Forgiveness:
  Colossians 3:13 urges us to forgive and bear with one another’s flaws as God does with us.

So yeah, friendship isn’t easy for us Christians. It’s messy, it’s confusing, but it’s also an opportunity, to love hard, to grow, to wait patiently on God’s perfect timing.

If you’re still waiting for that godly friendship, or struggling with how to be a friend who loves and holds accountable, you’re not alone. Keep trusting, keep praying, and keep sharpening yourself and others in love.

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If this post resonated with you, I’d genuinely love to hear from you. Drop a comment below — share where you are on your friendship journey, or how you’re trusting God while waiting for your own godly community.

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